This is a gun. The CDC reported Friday that DON’T EAT IT! IT’S MADE OF METAL!

This is a gun. The CDC reported Friday that DON’T EAT IT! IT’S MADE OF METAL!

CDC WARNS GUNS NOT SAFE TO EAT OR ANYTHING

Guns are designed to hurt and kill things, warned the CDC on Friday. This flies in the face of an earlier report by some idiot saying guns were an important source of calcium and iron. “I’m not sure why anyone would think that.” a CDC spokesperson said in an email Thursday. “I mean, they ARE made of metal.”

And that’s not even the biggest danger when it comes to guns. “Yeah, they’re actually designed to hurt and kill things. And they do. Sometimes accidentally, sometimes on purpose. A lot of it is suicides.”

“If they didnt have a gun, they would of just used somethig else,” typed some dipshit on Facebutt.

The CDC agrees. “Yeah, I guess you could eat romaine lettuce. Or make somebody eat romaine lettuce,” admits a CDC spokesperson. “But heads up - that’s probably just gonna give you the shits.”

When asked for comment, the NRA couldn’t find their tiny dicks.